I was having an out of body moment on that stage last January. Months and months of practice and more practice and I was finally standing on that stage sharing my big idea to a massive crowd.
To say I was nervous was an understatement. But I caught myself in the midst of my speech thinking, “Holy shit, you’re actually going to get through this.” The words were unconsciously flowing out of my mouth. My mind was wondering around the theatre (and frankly the universe) wondering how this all came together.
No sooner did I have that thought when I froze… I forgot where I was.
If you were not in the Pioneer Center when I spoke you would not have seen this of course because it was edited out. But, it happened.
I am not sure exactly how long I stood there, but it felt like a lifetime. You are allowed to leave the stage and gather yourself, but I made a promise that to myself that I wasn’t doing that.
Eventually, I had to break the silence so I told the audience exactly what was on my mind. “Sorry” I said, “I told myself I wasn’t going to leave the stage. I know you’re all really hungry… and if you’re anything like me you could probably use a beer right now.”
To my relief the audience burst out in laughter. But, I still couldn’t pick it up. There was one line I knew I was forgetting. After another lengthy pause I finished out my speech. That one line never made it.
It was a central theme to my talk… So what was it?
“We all have dreams, but do not sacrifice who you are and what you believe in to get them.”
It was a thought that transcended just being gay.
Morgana Bailey gave a great TED Talk titled, “The danger of hiding who you are” at TED at State Street London in 2014. She talks about the scientifically proven health problems associated with suppressing aspects of your personality.
We know very little about mental health, but we do know a lot about energy. And it makes a lot of sense in that regard. That when an energy so powerful and great as being gay is turned inward, its powers of destruction are equally as incredible.
The first law of Thermodynamics: Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes form.